(This blog contains Explicit language)…….
Let’s do a craft!
I will, at the top of this post, say this craft contains every parents worst nightmare. Something so evil…. so monstrous… it is only said in whispers amongst parents at the school gate. No, not play doh… even though that shit destroys carpets like my son destroys a happy meal. Not chalk either… though you repeatedly tell your kid to only use it on the pavement and next thing you know they come in looking like human street art. Not even bloody noisy toys come close to this… though do you know what is great? The addition of that loud as fuck monstrosity Auntie Janet bought adding a few more decibels into the orchestra of your children screaming and crying. (I am convinced the woman hates me, who would do such a thing out of love?)
No the thing parents despise is… gl…. gl….(I don’t know if I can even get this out, be brave man this is for all the lovely people who liked your page)…. glitter. Phew. Yep, them multi colour particles of hell that no matter how much you clean or use carefully gets into every nook and cranny. (Seriously, sometimes I go for a bath after using the stuff and somehow I have got the equivalent of a male vajazzle going on).
To make up for using this revolting material this craft is piss easy. I am shit at most art and I can handle this with some confidence.
What you will need:
Glitter (sorry, again) of multiple colours (because you might as well make the mess look pretty)
Glue ideally in a squeezy bottle (I feel the addition of glue might upset some people further, again sorry)
Paper of some description (I don’t think I can get too much hate for this one)
Literally, all you need to do is:
1. Write your child’s name with the squeezy bottle of glue. It doesn’t have to be perfect, I won’t be marking you on your handwriting.
2. Next, add random splodges of each colour of glitter to the first letter until covered.
3. Final step, I want you to get all Taylor Swift on me and shake it off, shake it off towards the remaining letters.
There you have it, you have your very own vajazz… I mean glittery work of art (plus a mess and a sparkly child who now looks like a vampire from Twilight). Enjoy and please don’t unlike this page due to glitter use.