Sometimes I have eureka moments sat in bed. (That is not code for anything sexual) Sometimes I wish these ideas remained in my head. (Hey, that rhymed) “I wonder what it would be like to join Tinder as a girl and see their perspective”. After all I had heard some horrifying camp stories about dating [...]

I am taking a break from writing about 2020 for a few days because somehow talking about my divorce and mental health is less depressing than that cod bollocks (that’s the saying, right?) of a year. So what shall we talk about? Lets spin the wheel and find out. [If you could briefly imagine a […]

“This was a dumb idea”, I think, as what feels like the hundredth conversation with a man turns into a debate about where his dick could and should be shoved. A pencil sharpener? At least the conversation would acquire some kind of point. Let’s recap. I was a woman. (temporarily mind, the boobs were great […]

(!! sexually explicit) One of the most insulting things I have ever overheard at a supermarket is… picture this the store is rammed (like Jenny when William gets his new delivery of viagra) to the brim as it is the Christmas season and every human being has decided to bombard their local store like they [...]

(This blog contains Explicit language)……. “Welcome to Arkham Asylum home for the criminally insane” stutters a young lady with almost square glasses wearing a pristine white lab coat with a pen tucked into her upper pocket. She continues “Down this hall we have your normal gallery of rogues from the Joker to Bane. Supervillians if […]

(This blog contains Explicit language) …… Hello one and all! Welcome to another edition of Slop on the Top (this was a name suggested by Clive after an intense online research session and a mysterious hand injury he does not like to talk about) with your host the Divorced Dad. A few months ago when […]

(This blog contains Explicit language) …… Oh look what the cat brought in, why if it isn’t 2020 all featherless, diseased, withered, weak and lifeless! This little poor birdy needs to be launched quickly and powerfully at a wooden barricade full of green pigs to end it’s suffering. It is safe to say last year […]

(This blog contains Explicit language) ……   2020 has been shit. Uber shit for one and all. We have been united together in a group effort to wade through a stream of diarrhoea to reach 2021 without being dragged under by an undercurrent of the worst international crisis in modern times. (Well done us! The […]

I was sat watching Heartbeat at the tender age of six. Look don't ask why a six-year-old had an interest in Heartbeat because... to be honest, I do not have an actual flipping clue. Though it could be because it had an absolute banger of a theme tune. All together now sing it with me [...]
(This blog contains Explicit language)……. So, it ended huh?  That love that lasted a decade, it decided to fuck-a-dee fuck out the front door with not so much as a... "it's been swell, thanks for the memories". It is like going for an emergency shit after a vindaloo and finding all that remains in the [...]
(This blog contains Explicit language)……. Let's do a craft!       I will, at the top of this post, say this craft contains every parents worst nightmare. Something so evil.... so monstrous... it is only said in whispers amongst parents at the school gate. No, not play doh... even though that shit destroys carpets [...]
(This blog contains Explicit language, and of a sexual nature)……. Someone asked me 'what is one of your most embarrassing stories?" Let me tell you, a story, that haunts me to this day, yet seems to elicit bouts of uncontrollable laughter whenever it is told. I woke up, went for my morning woo (wee and poo) [...]

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